Confession #321

#321 61

Every morning, we say, is a gift from God, I’m human, some days I wake up bubbly while on other days I question my existence. Human nature is built to be selfish, because what we all don’t know is we are all surviving. Everything we do, all the choices we make are for survival purposes…the fact that we still fight on everyday means our strengths are bigger, but we have weaknesses, we all do. As selfish as we are built to be, God gave us a heart to care for those around us… So that as we survive, we lift up those who are weak, in hope of being uplifted when we are weak. Love becomes our weakness, because we learn to care for another person probably more than we do for ourselves. We give them all we have in us, our bodies, our minds, our energy, in hope to receive the same, but we are broken when this is gone, then we go back to being selfish…but being selfish is not entirely evil. To survive, we need to put ourselves first. That is why I do not want to be in a relationship at the moment, it’s not because I hate, but because I need to survive. My body is broken, I need it to heal. My heart is wounded, my mind is in a roller coaster. With all this weight I cannot focus on my purpose in life. So it’s a means of survival, no hard feelings. My choices to survive are mine, if I choose to smoke, or watch Netflix, or drink, or swim, or cut, or read a book, I am surviving. I am not afraid of being selfish. In the mornings that I am not bubbly, these are the thoughts that ponder in my head. I am a survivor.

April 4, 2020 |
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