I feel like s**t like a huge disappointment and I’m tired I want it to stop
Strive for and focus on small achievements. For example, wake up early, make your bed and walk out of the house thinking about it. You'll find that many other successes will come. And big things will happen because of these many small things. And try to stop thinking about the past. I say try because I know that it's very hard to do so, but you MUST. Because the alternative is death or worse – a miserable life.
God made you for a purpose. Stop comparing yourself to others.
You are unique, autonomous, original and second to none.
You are not a mistake. You are here for a purpose.