#3774 223

I’ve never felt the need to fit in with other people in my entirety of life, never felt the need to dress in latest fashion, listen to the modern music, go to parties, do drugs etc, have sex, and be in relationships, basically in most of my campus life, i would just attend class, enjoy the free WiFi, watch some movies, study, eat, shower and sleep and after graduating 2 years ago, i didn’t want the pressure of knowing everything about everyone, so i quit most popular social medias, went back to my village, applied for jobs at times while i practiced some agribusiness, and it never felt sad or lonely till i decided some few months ago to silently go back to the social medias, and found out some of my classmates who i even did better than them are doing really well in life,, they have jobs, friends and seems to have a lot of freedom in their life than i feel i do, I’ve found myself drinking more than i ever did in the last few months than I’ve done my entire life, whenever am trying to apply for jobs, the stakes feels much higher now, i have zero experience in my field and i think that’s causing my to be eliminated quite fast, i can’t get even internships, i feel my coding skills are so poor nobody can even risk giving me a chance, i feel i now know nothing, f**k, am even now considering smoking weed and doing hard drugs, i feel really lonely, am g*y, my life has no purpose, there’s nobody in my age bracket still living in our village, all are working in the city, i really wanna get out of this place before i go mad or maybe commit suicide, am so tired of getting rejection emails, everybody thinks am ok with this agribusiness but deep down am not, i wake up late and stay in bed coz i feel there’s nothing of importance am doing, i can’t sleep at night coz all am thinking is how well others are doing and how much a failure i am, for me it’s not even about the money if the purpose its the freedom, i wanna feel like am just living my life without caring about others opin

October 14, 2022 |