#479 229

On October 30th of 2018, I was at a very dark point in my life and I made a pact with myself that if I still want to kill myself a year later, I’ll do it, but I’m not allowed to do it before then. That really pushed me to seek help and actually try to get better and by around August or June, I was okay and I was happy and it honestly felt amazing. Everytime I felt like there was no escape, I told myself that I just have to wait until October. When the end of October eventually rolled around, I realized that I actually had a lot to live for. I was scared that I was going to do it, but I had reasons to live. I had a lot of self confidence, I had amazing friends, and I had an amazing SO. I still have all of those things. I realize now that if I had gone through with it, I would have missed out on so much. It sounds kind of messed up, but I’m glad I did that because it allowed me to know how to get better and actually experience what being okay is like. I’ve never told anyone about this and I didn’t think I was going to ever put this confession anywhere, but here it is.

May 6, 2020 |